Writer-Counselor-Wellbeing Coach

Four years on

I’ve shared before about the loss of one of my grandchildren to abortion.  Tomorrow marks the 4th anniversary of this tragedy.    I continue my work in educating about the needs of women experiencing unintended pregnancy and how we can better support them, and all the while continue to be confronted about how we could not seem to do this in our own family.     Not all things are in our control, and sometimes despite our best efforts, fear and a more powerful influence create such an imbalance that there can seem no other way out.

My son has gone on to marry and has a beautiful daughter who turns one this month.  She is adorable and very very loved.  I cannot imagine our lives without her.    I still grieve the baby we didn’t get to meet.

We have had no contact with the young woman who decided to end her pregnancy suddenly, and against every word she had spoken to that point.   I do wonder how she has managed in her life.  Does she think about the baby?   Does she remember how much we wanted to help her?    We did hear that she had rewritten the story to paint us negatively and that my work in this field was used to convince her that my support was manipulative and insincere.

This saddens me the most about the work that I do:  that it can be used to so effectively reinforce the fear that many women feel when faced with difficult circumstances.   Preying on women’s vulnerabilities in this way then dressing abortion up as empowered autonomous decision making is one of the most reprehensible acts I see occur in this arena.

I even considered leaving my work behind after the loss of this baby.  After all, I hadn’t been very effective in my own family, AND it became a tool to encourage a decision that ended in tragedy.    I’m glad I didn’t as I have some beautiful photos of gorgeous babes  that have been born in these four years, at least partly through the influence of my work.  Their mothers were thankful for either information or resources I provided that helped them make their own decision.   That does mean something.

However, for tomorrow, I will honour the memory of the baby we didn’t get to meet and hope that one day, in some way, I will know that she knows how passionately I love her and miss her.      She was wanted, by all of us.


  1. Paul Hanrahan

    Very difficult to live with something like this and often the self doubt and questioning is the biggest problem. Terrible tragedies are hard on all those associated with it but great Grace is found in these trials. I for one am very glad you kept the work going Debbie. Keep up the very important work you do as you will never know how many are affected positively by it. God bless you.

  2. Kathy Clubb

    Sorry to hear this, Debbie. It must have been devastating to have had your good work misused in that way: we know that grief does strange things to people. I’m glad you didn’t give up and that you have continued to educate and inform us, using your unique approach.

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